Ask Coach Vanessa: I want to perfect my perfectionism

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Hi Coach Vanessa ~

Perfectionism has been a big challenge for me.  Do you have any advice about how to release perfectionism so that I can jump in and play the game of life bigger and funner?!  Thanks :~)

Simply Fearless ~

Cassandra

***

Hi Cassandra,

Great question. A good starting place would be releasing your need to release your perfectionism. Sounds like a cat chasing its tail. In a way, it is. This may be best illustrated with a story. I had a client who's "thing" was procrastination. She wanted to get rid of it, move it out of her way. It was interfering with her being the best she could be (according to her).

Turns out, it was her dislike and resistance to procrastination that was really causing the problem rather than the procrastination itself. Once she accepted that this was a part of who she is and how she functions, she felt more freedom and less judgment. She even chose to purposely procrastinate and began to see how this once negative habit served her in many ways.

We all have habits - some we like, some we don't. The habits pop up in response to whatever is happening, internally or externally. The ultimate game is to wake up in the moment so you can make a conscious choice rather than go into habit mode. It is much easier to do so when you love and accept all of you, perfectionism included.

To be at peace with your perfectionism, consider these questions and try out these tips:

What does it mean to you to play a bigger game and why do you think that's not currently happening? 

In what ways are you living the bigger game now, with and without perfectionism tendencies? 

How is perfectionism actually getting in your way of fun? Watch your assumptions.

What's in it for you? Brainstorm the benefits of perfectionism.

Jump into and out of your perfection mode. Literally, jump. 

Overexagerate your tendencies. Become the Drama Queen of all things perfect. Put on a crown or hat to reinforce that you are taking on this role. Bow down to you, the habit, and the desire for perfect.

Have (at) it!

PS This was the perfect question for me to be at peace with my perfectionism, as my blog would randomly have it, I could not change the size of the font. You'll need no glasses with this one!

Comments

[Catherine Ford]

This is really very good advice, not only for perfectionists (which I'm not), but also for procrastinators (which I am!).

My husband and roommate always tease me because I put off doing major papers until the day before or the day of the due date. I used to hate that I did this and would try to work on things in advance. I found that the pressure of the deadline stimulates my thoughts, clarifys concepts and motivates me so much better than getting things done early.

I have accepted that aspect of my personality and use it to my own advantage. When I think it's going to be a problem, I schedule time on my calendar to get a jump on the problem. Otherwise, I just follow my instincts on when and how to work on papers and projects.

Thanks for sharing!

[Teal Marie Chimblo]

Great response your reader. Pefectionism is such a struggle, I can relate! Thanks for your words. I referenced them on my blog, The Daily Gratitude Blog, here: http://dailygratitudeblog.blogspot.com/2008/10/beware-of-contra-mantras.html

[Christy]

Great answer to this issue that comes up for so many of us. When I'm writing or speaking, I often find myself trying to reshape what I want to say. When I'm coaching, I can get tense trying to give better advice or listen more closely. If I accept who I am, I can write more interesting words, speak from the heart, have clearer insight and vision.

[Pink Heels]

Letting go of control is extremely challenging. And yet, when we realize that we really don't control anything, we then find it easier to let it go.