Let Your Life Bloom

Wow, look at you taking care of yourself!

Ever notice how people are more focused on what they aren't doing well rather than what they are? Their statements are usually padded with shoulds, wishes, and my favorite "I know..." Let's put it all together and see how familiar it sounds.

"I know I should exercise more. I wish I could get motivated. I'm sure one day I will."

If you'd like to increase exercise or any other health practices in your life, great! The best starting place, beyond actually doing so, is by taking a look at what you are already doing well to take care of yourself. All that focus on what you aren't doing is added pressure, taking you further and further away from what you want to do and making you feel bad about it in the meantime.

I was reminded of this while visiting the blog Wellness Journey. It's filled with health tips and great yoga poses that you can easily incorporate into your life. Making change doesn't have to be hard or something to lament about. How much energy do you invest in wishing things (or you) were different than they are?

Instead, consider these questions in your assessment of how well you take care of yourself. Then build from there.

Do you brush your teeth? Shower? Style or brush hair?

Do you change out of your sleep clothes into work clothes?

Are you moving at all throughout the day? Do you shift and adjust your body to get more comfortable?

Have you had a good conversation with anyone? Have you appreciated someone for being nice to you?

Do you eat? Drink water? Go grocery shopping? Eat out and support the economy? Ever share a meal?

I'm guessing you answered yes to all of those questions. Because we get so accustomed to our habits, we stop thinking of all that we do and all that is done for us that supports health. Obviously, the healthier your choices are, the better for staying well in the short term and long term. AND, it's important to learn to acknowledge any efforts you are already making. This makes it easier to choose health on a moment to moment basis and you'll feel a heck of a lot better about yourself too.

In what other ways do you take care of yourself?

Happy Birthday to me!

Today is my birthday. And I'll tell you what, if you like birthdays, as I do - get on social networks and sparkle your cool self. I already knew I loved Twitter and Facebook. Now, I love them even more. They added so much heartfelt joy to my life on this day. I'm incredibly grateful.

Have you ever had one of those moments where everything feels crystal clear? It rushes over you in a calm and powerful wave. That was my day today. See, most of you don't know that it was a long, windy, boulder filled, road blocked journey to get here.

I've always been hopeful, and generally positive. It was just underneath many layers of stuff. Sometimes thick, gooey, ugly, stuck stuff. It affected all areas of my life - health, relationships, money, career. And then, choice by choice, it unfolded. My life began to bloom.

I'm sharing this with you here for a few reasons:

1) It feels amazingly good to find oneself again. It's like discovering a treasure chest that I had both forgotten about and desperately searched for, for years.

2) There were so many times that I missed seeing, feeling, and acknowledging the support that I had around me. People, places, things, experiences were right there in the thin and thick of it. I was so busy being stuck and focusing on how much I didn't like what was going on that I often overlooked the obvious good things that were happening. Though I've become more aware of this as time went on, it wasn't until this morning that I was overcome with such a strong connection to life and how it supports me.

3) If you are in the shoes that I used to fill, the ones I still occasionally walk in, where all seems lost and there's always something not working - hang on. That feeling is just stuff. It may feel like you, but its not. You may seem stuck, but you're not.  There is a way back to you, choose it.

The way I got here from there was by taking care of myself. With food, with who was in my life, with where I worked. I began trusting myself more and believing in what I wanted rather than letting the trauma stories of the past run me. Essentially, I made a decision that I was worth more and that my contribution mattered.

That's how we make a difference - by being ourselves. Not our patterns, wounds, or fears. Choose you, even if you're scared or don't fully believe it's possible. I'm telling you, it is possible. I'm over here, waving at you to join me.

♥

So, I dedicate this post to you, as well as me - walking through the fire is better than staying there and getting burned. To our greatness. Happy birthday on whatever day you are born.

♥

Ask Coach Vanessa: I want balance, not perfection.

* Welcome to the NEW Ask Coach Vanessa column. Here to help you think in the box, outside the box, around the box, and without a box. You will get clarity, resources, a plan of action, and plain old feel better. Got a question or a scenario that you'd like some FREE coaching on? Click 'Email Me" on the bottom right. *

Hi Vanessa,

 

I am married and have three young children ages 6, 4, and 2. I also invented a product and am running my business out of the home. I am constantly being torn in every direction----I just want balance not perfection.

 

Josephine Geraci

Founder & President

My Mom Knows Best, Inc.

***

Hi Josephine,
Ah, beyond the full plate, you've got all five courses going at once! You are on the right track with letting go of perfection. The next step: let go of balance. I can hear you right now, "But, that's what I want, that's why I'm writing you, coach lady." I can't help you attain what doesn't exist.

Balance is a myth.

There's always going to be some part of life that has more emphasis than others. The real issue at hand is that you feel torn in different directions and you'd like not to be.

The easiest way to get there from here is to start with giving yourself some props, a pat on the back, a treat, some uber acknowledgment. In order to actually appreciate your circumstances, take a step back from them, and see all that you are doing from a position of strength.

Wake up.

After considering a number of different titles for this post, I settled for what was at the heart of all of them - waking up. If you pay any attention to the media or any other variety of gloom and doom, fear tactics, or the sky is falling mentality, STOP.

How often do you feel paralyzed by fear and scared of the future? Or its less freaked out cousin - indecisiveness and lack of clarity?

We think its our duty to stay informed. That, like the fear, is a lie. I don't deny there are changes happening, some of which may feel pretty scary to people. The built up energy and fear around these circumstances is the exact opposite of what's needed. Focusing on the problem is like adding stink sauce to a pile of ****. Yes, sometimes, it is important to be that blunt.

What's needed now is innovation, creativity, and collaboration.

Ask Coach Vanessa: I want to perfect my perfectionism

* Welcome to the NEW Ask Coach Vanessa column. Here to help you think in the box, outside the box, around the box, and without a box. You will get clarity, resources, a plan of action, and plain old feel better. Got a question or a scenario that you'd like some FREE coaching on? Click 'Email Me" on the bottom right. *

Hi Coach Vanessa ~

Perfectionism has been a big challenge for me.  Do you have any advice about how to release perfectionism so that I can jump in and play the game of life bigger and funner?!  Thanks :~)

Simply Fearless ~

Cassandra

***

Hi Cassandra,

Great question. A good starting place would be releasing your need to release your perfectionism. Sounds like a cat chasing its tail. In a way, it is. This may be best illustrated with a story. I had a client who's "thing" was procrastination. She wanted to get rid of it, move it out of her way. It was interfering with her being the best she could be (according to her).

Turns out, it was her dislike and resistance to procrastination that was really causing the problem rather than the procrastination itself. Once she accepted that this was a part of who she is and how she functions, she felt more freedom and less judgment. She even chose to purposely procrastinate and began to see how this once negative habit served her in many ways.

We all have habits - some we like, some we don't. The habits pop up in response to whatever is happening, internally or externally. The ultimate game is to wake up in the moment so you can make a conscious choice rather than go into habit mode. It is much easier to do so when you love and accept all of you, perfectionism included.

To be at peace with your perfectionism, consider these questions and try out these tips:

HEY, I was attached to that...

It's natural to want things.

Yet, have you ever wanted something so badly that you become more attached to having it and less secure about getting it? The mental whine tugs at you "It's not here yet," "But that's not what I said I wanted," or "I will get this no matter what the cost."

When you want something, and aren't getting it in the manner or time frame that you want it in, it can feel easy to get twisted up, anxious, scared, or other garden varieties of fear. If that's happening on a consistent basis, you start unconsciously lying to yourself ("I don't get what I want") and begin to stress your body in ways you might not realize.

How often do you feel frustrated over the gap between where you are and where you want to be?

Being zen

Have you ever heard that it's easy to be the sage on the mountain and much harder when you live in the "real world"? Whether you've been paying attention to the media madness or have your own set of chaos to attend to, there seems to be truth to that statement.

Yet, there are many who are quite zen and centered in all sorts of circumstances. You know who I'm talking about. They are the ones that help you see the light in the dark, the possible in the not, and make you better able to take a deep breath. You think, "I want to be like that." Well, you can, with practice.

This is part of what inspired me to create the coaching program, Turning a New Leaftm. (Make sure to register for the FREE preview class later today). Being freaked out in a crisis is the last thing that will help resolve it. Being zen, on the other hand, is a key component in becoming a leader in your own life. When you do, you then model that for others. It's a domino effect gift.

Being zen tips:

Read zen blogs
A new favorite is The Zen in You. The beauty of the site design itself is enough to help you on the road of zen-ness. The artwork and topics will help shift your perspective quickly. What a blessing! Other great zen blogs to check out are Zen Habits and Daily Om.

Go natural
I was actually implying spending time in nature. You don't have to jaunt off to the park, look outside your door, there's probably a plant, tree, or grass. Stare at it. You'd be amazed at how intricately detailed nature is when you look closely. Getting naked is good too. In your house, people.

WWBD?
What would Buddha do? Or whoever your zen role model is. Pretending can benefit you as much as it does kids. Even imagining how someone else might respond is a step in the right direction. It takes you from anxiousness to ahhh.

How have you brought more calm and zen to your life? Do share.

Ready to turn a new leaf?

***Announcing the NEW coaching program Turning a New Leaftm.***

FREE preview teleclass to answer your questions, give you resources, and have a good time. It's happening Monday, October 20, 2008 from 6-7pm, PST. Can't make it? No problem, sign up anyway and you'll get the recording. Register here.

Is tomorrow too far away for learning about this fantastic program that helps you be healthy, clear the mental clutter, and stop feeling so stuck? I understand. You can learn more about it here. Have you been reading this blog - learning more about health, having a few good laughs (good for your health), and feeling more inspired than you had before you dropped by (good for your health too)? The voice inside is saying "Must...register...now." I understand that too. You can do so right here. There are group and individual options.

There are three main reasons that motivated me to put this program together.

Doom and gloom is no good.
Fear sucks. So does feeling stuck and hopeless. The sky is falling mentality is NOT what's going to help turn any problem around. This isn't about denying reality or being a pollyanna. It's about learning how to access innovation, creativity, and a sense of empowerment in times that don't feel so light and easy. This is what we need now.

Health is the foundation of change.
Ever tried to accomplish something or think happy thoughts when you don't feel so hot physically? It's much harder. And those prescription ads that promise running through lillies while quickly acknowledging 5 pages of side affects. Hey, you won't be depressed anymore, but you may have constant diarrhea or die. Sounds great, sign me up. Let's just say this program takes the opposite approach.

You are an important piece of the pie.
Don't believe the hype that leaves you feeling helpless and unimportant. It's a lie. If you are alive right now, you are a changemaker. Period. It doesn't matter if your stage is the size of your family or reaches half the world. I believe in your importance, and by the end of this program, you will too. End of story. Or should I say, the beginning?

And there you have it. Pretty much the basis of everything I do.

* So, sign up for the program here, the teleclass here, and learn more about the program details here. *

 

You have permission to be...

"If you were an animal, what animal would you be and why?"

This was a question I posed at the beginning of a health workshop I was leading. It was to a group of (mostly) women in a weight loss program. I wanted to start with this because the tension was thick and uncomfortable. I had sat with them individually before, in short coaching sessions, on a weekly basis. I knew their self-judgments and excuses peppered their moments of triumph. It was my goal and job to help them begin to see and celebrate where they were making progress while shifting the focus off of perfectionism.

We needed an ice breaker, and this was the first one that popped into my head. Prior to asking it, one of the women who I had not met with personally, grilled me on my qualifications. I had heard about her, she was on of the ones the management was "concerned" with. She had gained instead of lost, argued with suggestions, missed appointments, and wanted to quit the program. I answered her questions without defense.

Then she shared her frustrations. Turns out, she really wanted to be heard. She went on to say how she doesn't feel happy, she doesn't want to feel happy, and she hopes I don't try to make her feel happy. I told her that it's ok to not feel happy and I'm not there to change her mind. She can feel however she wants to for however long she needs to. I'm just glad she showed up. She relaxed. And then...

What's health got to do with it?

In a word: Everything.

After working in a number of different environments - from catering to coaching, princessing to preschool teacher, retail to reiki - the common denominator was still the same. Those that were consistently in good moods, were effective at what they did, open in their opinions, and overall supportive of those around them all had one thing in common: They took care of themselves.