Starting over

Do you remember what it's like to start over? A new job, new relationship, new house. The list is endless. We are always ending and beginning, transitioning between experiences. Yet, why is it, that when it's time to begin again, we hesitate, maybe even feel unsure or unclear, wondering where to start?

This is a question I've asked myself...several times. Because, boy, I've had to start over when I least expected it. You probably have too. 

Three reasons why hesitation takes over when starting over:

1) Fear of failure

Ever create a scenario of a future outcome that is not what you want to have happen? It's like you can't help yourself. As soon as you start dreaming of what you want, the inevitable fear of failure, of it not coming together, rears its ugly head. Next thing you know, you're using these imagined scenarios as an excuse to justify why you won't take action, because it just won't work it. I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone say "Well, I'm not going to get excited just in case it doesn't work out. I don't want to be disappointed."

Guess what? You may be disappointed (or not) with the outcome, despite how excited you get about it prior to it happening. Plus, getting excited is part of the fun (and purpose) of life. It also influences the outcome. This may be obvious, but...the future hasn't happened yet. What happens down the line is based on what you do now. The pivotal turning points in my life took place when I stopped lying to myself about what was possible and actually let myself feel the thrill of what it would be like to have what I wanted.

2) Attached to the past

We use the past as a marker, a point of reference. Have you ever said: "Well, that's what happened before," and then used it as your reason to stay in your safe, known zone even when it's filled with discomfort? The past absolutely serves a purpose. It shapes you, informs your passions, and hopefully, schools you on how to best live your life. We learn what works and what doesn't. The point is to apply the lesson, not repeat it, and certainly not use it against ourselves.

3) Analysis paralysis

Spending too much time deliberating the pros and cons can be one of the biggest time and experience wasters. I know, I used to be an expert at it. I realized that I was constantly creating triangle situations to process my way out of. This way or that? Two jobs. Two guys. Two housing situations. Hey, at least I narrowed it down to two choices! Yet, I'd often lose out on both options because I spent too much time trying to "figure out" which one was right for me. Thank God for intuition! Once I dedicated myself to listening, trusting, and following it, everything changed. Now, I make decisions in a snap. And, I tell you, that is a beautiful thing! Remember, deciding not to act, and instead float around in indecision is a decision.

Which of these types do you find yourself generally in? What helps you get present, start over, and move forward with ease and fun?

Comments

[Ann Samuels]

This post is so helpful for me! After reading it I realized that I've been stuck in a "holding pattern" related to starting over and moving on with a new phase of my life.

For me, of the three reasons you listed describing why hesitation takes over when starting over, I most identified with "analysis paralysis," with some "fear of failure" as well. It's now come to my attention and conscious mind, that I have some inner work to do, so that starting over and moving on can happen with more ease and flow.

Thanks Coach Vanessa for writing this article!

[Christy Goldfeder, Delicious Life Health Coaching]

Thanks, coach Vanessa! I currently struggle with analysis paralysis. BUT I am learning to overcome it by just doing it - even if it's not exactly right. The more I do, the easier it seems to figure out what I want (and don't want).

[Vanessa Smith, Wellness Coach & Intuitive]

@Ann @Christy Thanks for your comments. Yes, analysis paralysis is a popular one. Here's a trick that helps me with not falling into that trap myself:

I slow my body movements down. Walk slower. Eat slower. Stretch slower. Talk more deliberately. I find that what it does is slow down my mind/mental processing so the chaotic storm of thoughts otherwise known as analysis paralysis doesn't take over. Try it out. Let me know how it goes.
Cheers,
Vanessa