You think I'm going to say "Take it," right? Or at the very least, consider it, and choose to do what feels right for you. Not today. Today, I say, turn the other cheek. Forget about it. Throw a tantrum. Flip it the bird. Stick your tongue out at it. Not at the person, mind you, but at the suggestion of doing what should be done.
There's lots of good advice out there. Everyone has an opinion or a specific perspective based on their experience, education, training. I'm full of it myself. But you know what, when I'm upset, the last thing I want to consider is what I know I should do. At that point, my focus is on trying to breathe through the ugly cry. The sobbing, whimpering, snotty, puffy face, body shaking ugly cry.
When's the last time you had the ugly cry?
Mine happened to be this morning. No self-help book was going to save my butt. No trick in my toolbox. No well-meaning advice from someone else who is or is not going through the same thing. My feelings were irrational, illogical, and ignored all evidence pointing to things going well. My cry came from getting real with myself. To admit my fears, as silly as they may seem to someone else. To whine about my impatience and frustration with how long the process of change seems to be. To dramatically question - will it ever come together?
This wasn't a low moment for me. It was one of my highest. Because I allowed myself to feel, to be real, to see the whole truth, and acknowlege what was under the surface trying to get my attention. Being that vulnerable takes practice. At least for me. Maybe for you too.
See, we've all got a lot going on, to varying degrees, underneath the surface of our daily living. Hopes, dreams, fears, old feelings we haven't addressed, habitual reactions, family and cultural programming. We are taught to suck it up, stuff it down, move through it, push, pull, contract, resist.
It's utterly, completely stressful and draining to pretend "It's all good," when you're really thinking, "This sucks, and I'm scared." We think that by admitting the whole truth to ourselves, we're going to sabotage our process. The opposite is true. It's one of the most liberating things you can do.
By admitting and owning up to how we really feel, what we're really thinking, how we're really doing, is such a huge, gigantic relief. Know what happens when you do otherwise? One or more of these things:
You get sick. Your body can only hold so much of your stress before it becomes severly out of balance. Often, we don't start paying attention until we have to.
You stop enjoying life. If all your energy is tied up in suppressing or pretending, you have less presence available to actually experience the good stuff. You literally can't see past your pain.
You complain, mindlessly, and incessantly. Have you ever known one of those folks or been one yourself? It's the same story over and over. They think they're being "real" because they're admitting their frustration. But the truth is, they're staying on the surface, not copping to their vulnerability or responsibility in what they're experiencing.
I say own it. Own it all.
Then use it - to free yourself, to foster compassion rather than advice for another, to pay it forward by being available to just listen when someone allows themselves to be that vulnerable in your presence. Use it by choosing to shift it instead of repeat it, if and when those fears surface again.
Make it good for something. That was my wish through my crumpled up kleenex. I said to myself, "I better get a good blog post out of these tears. My ugly cry is not in vain!"
So, go forth, and ugly cry away. You'll feel cleaner and clearer after admitting what's real for you. And much more open to any advice that comes your way!
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