Let Your Life Bloom

Ask Coach Vanessa: A garden variety of questions

Hello again! It's been awhile since the "Ask Coach Vanessa" column has made an appearance. I recently had a handful of questions sent my way and thought I'd address them all here. For those unfamiliar with the column, here's a little blurb that sums it up:

* The Ask Coach Vanessa column helps you think in the box, outside the box, around the box, and without a box. You will get clarity, resources, a plan of action, and plain old feel better. Got a question or a scenario that you'd like some FREE coaching on? Click 'Email Me" on the bottom right. *

Onto the questions...

#1 - "How to find true life purpose" - C.B.

Great question! It's kind of like walking around looking for a treasure when the chest is sitting right in the middle of you. Here are 3 tips for finding your true life purpose:

✿ Assume you have already found your purpose and are living it. It may not look how you thought it would, but every experience, and how we feel about it, gives us clues and unveils more of our purpose. Essentially, each moment gives us the opportunity to learn and become more clear about who we are.

✿ Pay attention to what's showing up in your life. This includes repetitive thoughts and feelings, synchronicity, dream images, fantasies or visions of the future. Themes of your relationships, career choices, family dynamics. Ask yourself "If this experience was my life purpose talking to me, what is it saying, what would it like me to understand?"

✿ Ask yourself some more key questions like - What conversations do I keep returning to? What lights me up? What would I love to have happen and why? What is life asking of me? What would I like to contribute?

Have fun with it!

#2 - "Even with all the tools and information I have, I have issues thinking of myself as an expert so have a block in making my coaching business successful. I just can't see myself as a guru even with all the info I have and my ability to see what others need and assist them in getting it. Since I have issues getting past this block I feel like even though I have a talent for helping others get past their blocks I feel subpar. How do I get past this?" - T. C.

You're already helping yourself move past the block by acknowledging that it exists. That's the first step. Next, I would remind yourself that you're human. We all have stuff we're working on, and often times it's the very thing that we excel in when working with clients.

Who says you have to think of yourself as an expert or a guru? You are you. All you have to do is be the best you you can be and trust that it's enough. The mental spin we can all get ourselves into never seems to be solved by focusing on it. Let it be there. Once you accept that it's there, then get yourself into action, even if you're volunteer coaching and building your clientele that way. The action will shift your energy around it, as will acceptance that these feelings and current self-perception are part of your journey.

#3 - "Whats the reason for total numbness and pain 1/2 right side of my back? Blocked energy? vs pinched nerve? vs herniated disc?" -S.B.

Hmm, this one is a bit out of my expertise. It sounds like something a good chiropractor could address. Being a wellness coach though, I'd always suggest supporting your overall health nutritionally getting in some healthy fats to lubricate your insides and start the healing process.

#4 - "What is wellness to you?" - Q.C.

Ah, sometimes the simplest questions are the hardest to answer. Wellness to me is:

✿ Enjoying life, having fun, laughing, and breathing deeply

✿ Taking loving care of yourself in 8 key areas (listed here)

✿ Finding peace and acceptance with where one is at

✿ Going with and doing your part to direct the flow of life

✿ Having a strong community that you contribute to and feel supported by

✿ Feeling connected to the larger picture of life - nature, our spirituality, ancestors and future generations, the evolution of life itself. Knowing we are an essential part of an amazing adventure. 

You can also check out my 7 Basics of Health.

#5 - "What are the dates of the teleseminars? thanks so much!" - C.B.

The teleseminars she's referring to is the *free* Let Your Life Bloom series, which is 9 months long, with 27 guests, which you can learn more about here. They don't happen on a specific date where you call in. When you sign up, you get an email 1x/week with a link to the recording. You can register for that at the top right hand corner.

Thanks for all the questions. Send more my way, I love to answer them!

Ask Coach Vanessa: So tired....snore

Dear Coach Vanessa,

I feel tired a lot. I'm not sure why because I feel like I get enough sleep. I want more energy and don't know how to get it. Besides this issue, I like my life and feel satisfied in general. Any suggestions?

Thanks,
zzzzz

✿✿✿

Hi zzzzz,

I know it must seem pretty easy to equate feeling tired with getting enough sleep. Truth is, there are a lot of factors that affect our energy on a day to day basis. First things first - pay attention to the details and to what brings on the feeling of being tired.

Here are some factors to consider:

Overall picture - When do you feel tired? What circumstances, if any, bring on the tiredness?

Food - What are you eating? Are you over or under-eating? How do you feel after you eat? Are your meals organic and whole foods based? How many (typical) allergens do you consume - soy, dairy, wheat? How much sugar is in your diet? How many glasses of water do you drink a day?

Movement - How often do you move throughout the day? Stretch? Walk? Aerobic? Strengthen your core in how you sit, stand, and walk? How long are you sitting for? When's the last time you did playful movement, like dance or drum or a sport?

These are starting points. I'd encourage you to keep track of your diet (as in what you eat, not a "diet") and movement on a daily basis. The more information and evidence you can gather, the easier it is to make an educated assessment. In the meantime, go visit the 7 basics of health and join me for the Turning a New Leaf program where you'll restore your foundation of health.

Take care,

Coach Vanessa

* The Ask Coach Vanessa column helps you think in the box, outside the box, around the box, and without a box. You will get clarity, resources, a plan of action, and plain old feel better. Got a question or a scenario that you'd like some FREE coaching on? Click 'Email Me" on the bottom right. *

Ask Coach Vanessa: Blah, blah, bleh

* The Ask Coach Vanessa column helps you think in the box, outside the box, around the box, and without a box. You will get clarity, resources, a plan of action, and plain old feel better. Got a question or a scenario that you'd like some FREE coaching on? Click 'Email Me" on the bottom right. *

Dear Coach Vanessa,

I feel blah. I have heard countless gurus say that it's better to be positive and happy. Not feeling like that right now. I know it's seems a little extreme, but I feel like being in a bad mood ruins my life. Is that true? How do I get rid of feeling blah? It's bleh.

Signed,
Want to feel better

***

Hi Want to feel better,

I understand the preference for happiness over blah and bleh. Just so we're clear upfront, being in a bad mood does not ruin your life. Not letting yourself be in a bad mood ruins your life. Only kidding, this is the part where you laugh (part of the feeling better technique).

It's normal to have a range of feelings. They are transitory, coming and going according to whatever's going on around you and inside you. We sometimes get into trouble, or rather, caught in the illusion of being "stuck" when:

1) We are resistant to something, not liking the way it's happening, wishing it were different.
2) We are attached to something, thinking it should be a certain way and when it's not we blame "it" for the cause of our suffering.

There's nothing wrong with resistance or attachment. It's more about noticing how you're playing the game of life at the moment and from there, choosing what would be the next most supportive move you could make for yourself. The truth is, feeling good, positive, and happy have many health benefits. And, it's completely ok if you don't feel like that 24/7.

Allow yourself to be where you are by saying to yourself "I give myself permission to feel. My feelings change and they are safe to experience. Life is always supporting me." Seriously, try it. The sun is always shining in back of the clouds. You'll feel the warmth again soon.

Ask Coach Vanessa: I want balance, not perfection.

* Welcome to the NEW Ask Coach Vanessa column. Here to help you think in the box, outside the box, around the box, and without a box. You will get clarity, resources, a plan of action, and plain old feel better. Got a question or a scenario that you'd like some FREE coaching on? Click 'Email Me" on the bottom right. *

Hi Vanessa,

 

I am married and have three young children ages 6, 4, and 2. I also invented a product and am running my business out of the home. I am constantly being torn in every direction----I just want balance not perfection.

 

Josephine Geraci

Founder & President

My Mom Knows Best, Inc.

***

Hi Josephine,
Ah, beyond the full plate, you've got all five courses going at once! You are on the right track with letting go of perfection. The next step: let go of balance. I can hear you right now, "But, that's what I want, that's why I'm writing you, coach lady." I can't help you attain what doesn't exist.

Balance is a myth.

There's always going to be some part of life that has more emphasis than others. The real issue at hand is that you feel torn in different directions and you'd like not to be.

The easiest way to get there from here is to start with giving yourself some props, a pat on the back, a treat, some uber acknowledgment. In order to actually appreciate your circumstances, take a step back from them, and see all that you are doing from a position of strength.

Ask Coach Vanessa: I want to perfect my perfectionism

* Welcome to the NEW Ask Coach Vanessa column. Here to help you think in the box, outside the box, around the box, and without a box. You will get clarity, resources, a plan of action, and plain old feel better. Got a question or a scenario that you'd like some FREE coaching on? Click 'Email Me" on the bottom right. *

Hi Coach Vanessa ~

Perfectionism has been a big challenge for me.  Do you have any advice about how to release perfectionism so that I can jump in and play the game of life bigger and funner?!  Thanks :~)

Simply Fearless ~

Cassandra

***

Hi Cassandra,

Great question. A good starting place would be releasing your need to release your perfectionism. Sounds like a cat chasing its tail. In a way, it is. This may be best illustrated with a story. I had a client who's "thing" was procrastination. She wanted to get rid of it, move it out of her way. It was interfering with her being the best she could be (according to her).

Turns out, it was her dislike and resistance to procrastination that was really causing the problem rather than the procrastination itself. Once she accepted that this was a part of who she is and how she functions, she felt more freedom and less judgment. She even chose to purposely procrastinate and began to see how this once negative habit served her in many ways.

We all have habits - some we like, some we don't. The habits pop up in response to whatever is happening, internally or externally. The ultimate game is to wake up in the moment so you can make a conscious choice rather than go into habit mode. It is much easier to do so when you love and accept all of you, perfectionism included.

To be at peace with your perfectionism, consider these questions and try out these tips:

Ask Coach Vanessa: How do I go from employee to entrepreneur?

* Welcome to the NEW Ask Coach Vanessa column. Here to help you think in the box, outside the box, around the box, and without a box. You will get clarity, resources, a plan of action, and plain old feel better. Got a question or a scenario that you'd like some FREE coaching on? Click 'Email Me" on the bottom right. *

Hi Vanessa,

I am definitely looking to change my life.  I work full time as a marketing director and am looking to become a consultant.  I have been working to develop my own business, but have been running into roadblocks.  People tell me to network, network, network, unfortunately, the people I know are not the people who hire marketing consultants. Can you help?

Anne Young Albanese

Albanese Consulting Group

***

Hi Anne,

Thanks for writing in. The good news is you know what you want - to have your own consulting business. It sounds like you're stuck on the HOW. One of the best tools you can develop as a consultant is to look at the way you and your clients language/frame what's happening. When you develop the eye for understanding what's behind what people are saying, it will give you a clue about their mindset and belief system.

You said you were "... looking to become a consultant." I visited your website, it's clear, you are not looking to become a consultant, you ARE a consultant. Own it. Claim it. State it proudly. It doesn't matter if you don't currently have clients spilling out of your pockets. You are on the path. 

* Welcome to the NEW Ask Coach Vanessa column. Here to help you think in the box, outside the box, around the box, and without a box. You will get clarity, resources, a plan of action, and plain old feel better. Got a question or a scenario that you'd like some FREE coaching on? Click 'Email Me" on the bottom right. *

Hi Vanessa,

I am definitely looking to change my life.  I work full time as a marketing director and am looking to become a consultant.  I have been working to develop my own business, but have been running into roadblocks.  People tell me to network, network, network, unfortunately, the people I know are not the people who hire marketing consultants. Can you help?

Anne Young Albanese

Albanese Consulting Group

***

Hi Anne,

Thanks for writing in. The good news is you know what you want - to have your own consulting business. It sounds like you're stuck on the HOW. One of the best tools you can develop as a consultant is to look at the way you and your clients language/frame what's happening. When you develop the eye for understanding what's behind what people are saying, it will give you a clue about their mindset and belief system.

You said you were "... looking to become a consultant." I visited your website, it's clear, you are not looking to become a consultant, you ARE a consultant. Own it. Claim it. State it proudly. It doesn't matter if you don't currently have clients spilling out of your pockets. You are on the path. 

Welcome to Ask Coach Vanessa!

* Welcome to the NEW Ask Coach Vanessa column. Here to help you think in the box, outside the box, around the box, and without a box. You will get clarity, resources, a plan of action, and plain old feel better. Got a question or a scenario that you'd like some FREE coaching on? Click 'Email Me" on the bottom right. *

Hi Coach Vanessa,
I love dreaming big about the future. I would even say that it's one of my biggest strengths. I can easily imagine people I want to meet, experiences I want to have, traveling, and more. So much so, that sometimes it already feels like I've lived my whole life before it has actually happened.

The problem is right now. I'm not living this dream life. My to do list seems to be growing no matter how many times I check something off of it. I end up feeling like the future I want so badly is further away than I once thought. I've tried organizational calendars, gratitude journals, visualization, and lots of other "self-help" tools but I keep finding myself back in the same rut - here, not there.

Help!
D.I.

***

Dear D.I.,
Ah, the grass is greener on the other side. Though it appears that the to do list has got you down, I assure you it has more to do with your perspective of "right now" rather than the items themselves. It's fun to visualize the future, especially when you are so good at it. You are ahead of the game if you know how to do that.

That being said, let's get to the real issue. You have an assumption that you can't have freedom (peace of mind, creativity, excitement, etc.) right now like you do in the future because your circumstances look different, because your to do list is growing, because the tools didn't work. I'd bet that on some level, nothing works now and everything works later.

The catch is, later/there/the future doesn't exist. It's always now. In 5 minutes or 5 years into the future, it'll be now to you then. It's time to get a little cozy and start loving up the right now. This way, it gets easier to live into/take action towards this future you want. More of your energy will be in cooperation with rather than resistance to your daily reality.

So, how do you shift from stuck to smooth sailing?