Have you ever been in a tight spot, unsure of how to get out of it, and twisted up because of it? In that moment, how open were you to a friends advice? To coming up with solutions? To relaxing? If you're anything like me, or lots of others I know, or say, human, you might notice that being open isn't your strong suit in times of trouble.
Because being wound up is where it's at! Party time! Now we're getting somewhere!
That wasn't the answer a coach is supposed to give you, right?! Well, it's what you really wanted to hear, and it's the truth, so I might as well tell you, somebody has to!
Whenever we feel stuck, we get into this funny illusion that someone, something, or spirit is going to save us. Yet, it's the exact opposite of what we truly want. We don't want to be saved. We want to transcend our challenges on our own. We want to feel self-sufficient, empowered, and resilient. We want to know that we can rely on ourselves in any circumstance. It's a big part of why we create "problems" in the first place (read How to solve your problems - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3).
Benefits to being wound up:
It serves as a distraction. When you're wound up, you're on autopilot, habitually reacting to the drama in front of you. We all have different ways of resisting, blowing things out of proportion, blaming, explaining, denying. The list goes on. In fact, we can get quite creative with the whole thing. We have many well developed techniques to distract us from taking responsibility for our lives. And there are some folks that spend their whole lives in distraction, moving from drama to drama, not even realizing this way of being is serving them.
How would distraction be a benefit? It keeps you comfortable in your known world of dysfunction, validating a low sense of self-worth. Because here's the deal, when you decide to take responsibility for your life, you realize you are at the seat of creation for all you experience. That kind of freedom scares the crap out of folks. It's too open, possible, limitless. We crave structure and freedom. It's up to us how we want to create that - through the distraction of drama or the responsbility of creation. Most of us are doing a bit of both.
It breeds clarity. Piece by piece, you find peace. Letting yourself be where you are, even if that place is "wound up," gives you more room to breathe. You're no longer pretending everything is OK when, for you, in that moment, it's not. Then, the funniest thing happens, when you can admit to yourself you are struggling and wound up, you start to relax. There's much power in being real and honest with yourself. It's downright liberating.
When you allow yourself to be where you are, you can start to see the whole picture, beyond the circumstances that "made you" feel wound up in the first place. Within that whole picture that you now have access to, are the very things you long for in every situation - an opportunity to simplify, get clear on what's really important, and choose wisely in a way that represents who you truly are.
It helps you become aware of and feel your feelings. Underneath being wound up is also hope, anger, sadness, faith, guilt, love, and a whole mixture of feelings. We are so trained to push through our pain and subsequently, ignore our emotions. It takes feeling wound up about something to really get our attention. Now, if you can learn how to address your feelings as they arise instead of creating wound up situations, I personally think that would be the easier approach. But, I'm a work in progress in this department too!
I don't want to walk away from this post without emphasizing this point:
Every single area of your life where you feel wound up is intricately linked with your health and sense of personal power. Money. Relationships. Work. Family. Housing. Your feelings are the direct link to and through your suffering. The best, most empowering, healthiest, transformational thing you can do for yourself and those around you is to find support to address your feelings. We are not taught how to do this in a healthy way in our culture. Instead, we see the shadow side of what happens when we suppress our feelings. It's time to bring light and change to this. Not by acting on the "wound up" but by appropriately feeling it and thus, releasing it so it no longer runs us.
Next time you feel wound up, even if that moment is now, do this:
★ Admit it.
★ Tell yourself it's ok to feel wound up.
★ Let yourself know that you can stay wound up as long as you want. There's no pressure to change or be different.
★ Breathe. Stretch. Relax into feeling wound up. (Yes, this is a paradoxical statement, but it actually works if you allow yourself to be where you are without resistance or trying to change it to something else).
★ And when you're ready, now or 30 years into the future, cop to the fact that being wound up is choice you made - to help you feel your feelings, get clear, and, ultimately find empowerment through responsibility rather than distraction and drama.